Slowing down and actually listening to what is being said around us and to us is becoming a lost art. Is it because we do not care what people are saying or is it because listening actually requires work? Listening takes effort, and in a world where people tend to want everything faster, easier, with less work, because of the amount of energy that listening requires, many people just do not bother.

We have been thrust into a virtual world with this pandemic and listening skills have become even more important, as we cannot see someone’s body language in the same manner as we can in a face-to-face conversation. Those who are listening with intent to master their art of listening in this new environment are excelling.

In today’s article, I am going to share 9 tips with you to help you to develop effective listening skills which are just as important as developing your speaking skills. Great communication is a dynamic dance: a tango between effective listening and thoughtful speaking. 

1. Manage your mindset – one of the first things we must all do in the virtual world is manage our mindset around how we are ‘showing up’. Before you jump on another virtual meeting or a phone call check in with yourself to determine how you are feeling. A positive mindset is critical for effective listening. If your head is not in the game then you will not be able to listen to someone else with your full attention.
2. Understand the difference between ‘active’ and ‘passive’ listening – when you are actively listening you are engaged, leaning in and using every sense you have to listen. When you listen ‘passively’ you only hear the words with your ears and often they simply go in one ear and right out of the other. You are letting the sound of the words wash over you rather than going forward to greet them.
3. Carefully listen to the tone of the voice – what feelings does the speaker’s voice evoke in you? Can you determine the speaker’s emotional state beyond the words you are hearing? Listen too for the rhythm, cadence, tone, and pitch of their voice for it will signal shifts or transitions. They might also let you know what is important and what is not.
4. Listen to the tone of the words – what is the choice of the speaker’s words saying to you beyond the words themselves? When we speak, most of us use differing vocabularies based on whom we are speaking to and what it is we are saying to our listeners.
5. Be attentive to the speaker’s body language – especially their face and hands in the virtual world. Watch for the non-verbal cues they give off for they give suggestions as to how you should be interpreting what they are saying. Only 10-15% of communication is verbal (words). The remaining 85-90% is nonverbal (primarily body language).
6. Pay close attention to cues – that will often signal note-worthy information or summary statements. Cues could include statements like, “There are two important steps I want you to remember. The first is…” or “To sum things up…”
7. Resist the urge to react or respond – let the words that are being spoken communicate with you freely. If you have shifted your attention away from the speaker to yourself because you are already deciding what you are going to say, they are not flowing freely. You block communication when you have a premature outburst either in your mind or aloud.
8. Eliminate outer and inner distractions – turn off what you can around you and consciously block out the rest. Quiet the urge within you to think about anything other than what you are hearing. If you allow your mind to wander then you let yourself lapse into ‘passive’ rather than ‘active’ listening.
9. Practice playing back what ‘you think’ you heard – this does not mean parroting a person’s words back to them. If it is appropriate to check your understanding of what you have heard, then use your own words to paraphrase or summarize what was said to ask for confirmation or clarification.

At the end of the day, effective listening skills help you and everyone else around you. Learning to be a good listener may take some time so be gentle with yourself as a new habit takes about 21 days to become part of your makeup.

Try to be aware of how you are listening when you are engaged in a conversation or listening to someone else speaking. Try to quell the reactions that tend to pop into your mind or out of your mouth when you are listening without consideration. If you have never been consciously listened to, then really listening to others may feel a bit strange at the start but do not worry it will become easier over time.

Please share any great ideas or things you have been practicing to master your art of listening in the comments section below.

To Your Success!